Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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