Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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