your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
