shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
