he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We left an ass print on the piano.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
