For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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