Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
