we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
So much Jack, so little girl.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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