it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
