She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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