the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
