Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
