While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
