I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
