its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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