Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
