ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
