I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
babies were throwing up all over the place
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
