dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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