I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
3pm strippers are depressing
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
