girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
