I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She said her name was "party"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
only if we run a train.
done.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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