Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
