Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
