Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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