so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
