i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
