I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize