the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
