Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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