p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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