It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
im about as happy as oj after his trial
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize