Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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