Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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