Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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