That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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