my phone needs a breathalizer
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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