Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
