A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
