Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
