I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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