thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
