I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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