I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
