If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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