Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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