You're my little dorito
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
