I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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