I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
