Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Randomize
