Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
