Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
