my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
