I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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