hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
