The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
