i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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