My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
