i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
