how can u be prego again
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
