Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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