why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
