I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
