I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you win again, gameday.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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