dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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