One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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