i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
