Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
