I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
