My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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