I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
