Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
