I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
