Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
