Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
