Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
