I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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