If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
