I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
